It is very difficult to get the most out of a power tool unless you plug the power cord into the power source. Just as power tools need power, so relationships need power to get the most out of the relationship. Just as there are many sources of power, there is one that is right for the power tool that you are using at the time. If a circular power saw could talk it would probably say, "I need 110 volts and about 10-15 amps of electrical current." Power tools cannot talk, think or reason, but we can. So it is important to identify the things that power up your relationship and get your power cord plugged into it.

Jeff and Cherie have been married for 24 years. When I asked them to consider what acted like the power source for their relationship, the first thing they identified was trust. Trust gives them a peace of mind and mutual respect for each other. Trust is something they had to build into their relationship over time.

They said another power supply was their friendship with each other. They each consider the other a friend, not just someone they happen to have kids with. If they don't maintain a healthy friendship, it is difficult to enjoy a loving relationship.

They spend time doing things that friends do; communicate as friends (not harshly or with cynicism); share responsibilities as friends (not because that is your role or "it's the way my parents did it"); do things for each other as friends (not just because it will get you something); compromise as friends (it cannot be "my way or the highway" or you will live your life on a long empty highway); accept each other the way they are (there are always things you like and some you could live without— that's life); and encourage the other person when they are down (we have enough people that want to kick us when we are down— a friendship has no place for that).

One other thing that they saw as a power source was their love for each other. Because of it, they would do anything for each other, which included being mindful of each other's needs. Just caring about each other's needs powered the relationship. It had a ripple effect.Every bit of kindness and consideration generated power for more kindness and consideration.

(Jim Halbur is a pastor who works with families. In his column he describes some of the tools that help to build strong families. His purpose in writing about them is to help our community reduce domestic abuse, incarcerations, delinquency, poverty and depression, and increase education, social responsuibility, connected ness and sense of belonging.)