The Family Tool Box:
the paintbrush

by Jim Halbur
published Oct 20, 08

That is a beautiful painting!” “The blend of colors on that house make it seem so inviting!” “The color in this room is so relaxing!”“Those colors look good on you!” These are all statements that we hear in regard to colors. Thought goes into the choosing of colors that will help create a mood for people to experience when they enter a room or building.

The same is true in relationships. We choose the colors we want around us, but sometimes, unplanned combinations surprise us with their beauty. We all bring different personalities and cultural colors into a relationship. So often we are so close that we don’t realize how beautiful our relationship is.

As Carl and Naomi evaluate the colors they brought into their relationship, they are reminded that together they make a beautiful painting. Carl is brown in that he is incredibly reliable, almost to a fault. He often tries to be there for too many things and ends up spreading himself too thin.  Carl also has tendencies toward the calming effects of green and blue. He tends to avoid conflicts, which makes for a more peaceful environment. There is a counter color that a person can look to add because, for Carl, being a peacemaker tends to cause problems when he doesn’t tackle issues that need to be tackled. 

His wife is quite opposite. The colors that best describe her are red, pink and yellow.  She is Mexican and often comments about how dull and passionless we Minnesotans are compared to the passion and life of the Mexican culture.  With all of this, she is much more of a romantic, which really keeps Carl adding color to paint a great mood in their relationship.

Naomi also has yellow tendencies where she likes to be the center of attention. She is not always in the spotlight but she spends a good amount of time making sure that she looks just right. Carl is a bit more brown in wardrobe and is quite content to be comfortable. In spite of their differences, God has used each other’s colors to create a unique painting that is beautiful and enjoyable. Each one has filled in color with the other person.

(Jim Halbur is a pastor who works with families. In his column he describes some of the tools that help to build strong families. His purpose in writing about them is to help our community reduce domestic abuse, incarcerations, delinquency, poverty and depression, and increase education, social responsuibility, connected ness and sense of belonging.)