Being a Victim

BY BILL NOLAN

This past week, while on my way to a lunch meeting, I was rear-ended while stopped at a traffic light. I told the driver of the other car that we needed to pull over and survey the damage. He drove ahead, further than I anticipated, but still within sight. Finally, he stopped on a side street and got out to look at my car. I noted the damage and asked for his insurance information. He went to his car to get it, or so I thought. As I went into my car to get a pen and some paper, he sped off. My car was certainly drivable and no one was hurt, but my Irish temper was in overdrive! I had been taken advantage of! I was a victim!

After waiting about five minutes (some strange part of me actually thought that guilt might get the best of him and he would return), I headed to my lunch meeting. I made the necessary phone calls and my car is scheduled to be fixed. My anger subsided. But I was still a victim! OK, maybe my anger hadn't totally subsided …

On the drive to lunch, something very profound happened, something I attribute not to my own virtue but only to the presence of the Spirit. I began to pray. I prayed first in thanksgiving that no one was hurt. I prayed in gratitude for the "gift"—so to speak—that is auto insurance. I prayed in petition that my out-of-pocket expenses would be minimal. And then I prayed for the driver of the other car. I do not know his story and I certainly do not excuse what he did, but for whatever reason, his life circumstances drove him to make a choice that I could only find tragic. But I too had a choice. I could remain angry, cursing him, cursing the incident, cursing the impending inconvenience and cost. Or I could acknowledge that while I had indeed been victimized, I could strip the large 'V' off my forehead and move on with my life, wasting precious little energy on playing the victim. Been there, done that. So thanks to the lessons of my own life and the presence of God in my car, I was blessed by being able to choose a different path.

In a broader context, playing the victim is really a rejection of my own responsibility, my freedom of choice, my full humanity and ultimately of the Divine within me. It is merely an assignment of blame and a justification for holding on to anger, resentment and pain. God does not see me as a victim, regardless of what happens to me. Why then would I choose to see myself as one? In many ways this car incident has called me to an appropriate acknowledgement of my emotions and then to an appropriate letting go. My God has much better ways for me to spend my time and energy.

Peace,